on a very early saturday morning like this, when i wake up prematurely, i have this 'me time' to reflect on the kind of life i led and i lived. amazingly, it never fails to dawn on me that i live a life of little miracles and i have my God to thank for.oops, you may start to imagine that i lived a very religious and sanctified life, no, it's the other way around. read on.
i have a very strong christian foundation when it comes faith and belief.all my life i was raised in a conservative adventist community.grade school and high school years were spent reading the bible and imposing what is right.sheltered and very well taken cared of, i knew what was right and pleasing to God. the disconnect is, as much as i knew what was right, i was never taught what was wrong. logic would eventually give us the answer but believe me, it's different when you don't see it or experience it firsthand. Mistakes make you learn is a hard truth.
when i was in college i saw the world in a different light. i tried going to a non-adventist institution and i find it difficult to choose what is right and what is not. why? because in my early years, i never practised choosing what is right, it was all given at that time.there was no wrong choice.everything was filtered and suited to fit the life of a not-so-wayward christian. add to that is the fact that there is a very thin line between right and wrong. it was easier to compromise than decide.
so everything has taken a backseat.i find church boring.i don't see interest in reading the Bible.i skip saturday afternoon programs and hangout somewhere else.i challenge God with a lot of 'whys' and when He answers me with silence, i simply give him a sarcastic chuckle.i find myself unimportant and in struggle while battling my evils.
so does God really cares? it is very humbling to say that YES, He cares, He always does.
most of the time, after His silence, he sends little miracles like a letter from a high school teacher saying that 'you are always thought of'. he whispers through a lil sister the realization that no matter how ill-shaped you are, someone always look up to you. or my all-time favorite (and it works every time), he sends me a song.
as of this writing a lot of my prayers were answered the way i want it to be answered so i think this time, i already learned how to ask for the right things. thank you Big-Guy-Up-There for the confidence that YOU are in control.
and thank you for the answered prayers:
○my mama's health turned out good after that tumor scare
○venus passed the board exam (:
○discipline to follow my everyday schedule
○keeping me safe every time i cross the streets (it still scares me a bit tho)
○making me healthy
○friends, the right kind of friends
○and those lil things you do for me like postponing the rain, unexpected gifts, etc-- they inspire me everyday and at the least lessens the anxiety i'm having.
i love you Jesus, heartoi♥
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