the person we become

lately i've been very childish-- i don't know exactly where it is comin from but maybe, just maybe-- i was not getting the same amount of attention i was getting from my boyfriend that i used to.i dint get sms on my phone that often-- like there was an entire day that i dint see his name appear on my inbox, then because of my duty sched this week, i wasn't so enthusiastic in getting online in skype.so basically our schedules dint match.

at the back of my mind, i know it was normal for long distance relationships to really not catch up on some very busy days but my emotions (yet again) went over my rationale so i started to nag and poof bad vibes took over.

i intentionally waited for chard online so i can start the nagging and irksome confessions of how bad i felt just because there was no sms-- we're not on the same sched and all. (and dont start imagining yet)

on the other hand, my being pesky wasn't welcomed with patience, i know that richard has been working his ass off  for the past few days and dint get to have much sleep so this little episode of my drama turned out to be very feisty and crabby.

i was seeking for assurance that this was just a plain case of being busy and he was seeking to be understood.

an exchange of hate words weren't my forte so that night left me crying and desperate :( not enough sleep and yes wasted emotions from outbursts which was very preventable had i let my rationale control my emotions.the saddest that happened was, we have to both erase our facebook accounts :((

here's the good part.

i made the first move to apologize and yes richard apologized too.we're back to normal in less than 24hours.the facebook thang was a different case though but its not a big deal for now.

realization: when we let our emotions take over our rationale, we become a totally different person.and that tiny little monster inside of us becomes the monster that he is and makes damages that sometimes is hard to fix so today, i resolve to be more understanding because we don't wana lose the people we care so much about :)

if you are to ask people about how they perceive me? you would likely to get these descriptions: fun, easy-go-lucky, outgoing, confident, free-spirit, perky, and sunny. only very close people who knew me would tell you that aside from bein upbeat, i have low self esteem and im not that confident of who i am because of certain events that happened to me.

lately i have been elated because one person was making me feel that im capable of loving and being loved in return. but thing is, the guy i thought would be my happy-ever-after just BROKE MY HEART. yes you heard it right, im in pain right now. so much pain that i deactivated my facebook account and thinks of not goin to school for a week. its hard to accept that im not worth a guys love and not worth to keep it all together.

i have always promoted (((!good vibes!)))) to win over the negative energy but gawwd! what happened to me is more than i can handle.for the first time, i actually wish that i was a different person, livin in a different time because if i have to do my life all over again-- il be very careful and be very cautious of who im lettin into my life.

tanyt, i'd be sleeping with a broken heart.and as much as i want to keep the tears from fallin-- it just wont stop.i wana escape.i wana fllllyyyyyy awaaaaayyyy!

its a lazy friday today. started my day with pancakes and hash browns at mcdo then went home only to get stucked in the traffic because of the parade-- it hit me, today is NEGROS DAY! im a NEGRENSE by heart so i should be proud :)

i went online for a while and when my connection started to freak out-- i fell asleep until 4:30 in the afternoon.nothin would ruin a good afternoon sleep until you realize that the electricity is out :(( i feel freakin bad coz i wanna get online and my phone's battery is drained :((

good thing honey came up so i kida convince her to roam around the mall with her. after comin home, the same bad news welcomed me-- no electricity still.

i couldn't help but panic now so i decided to have dinner at bobs where wifi is available :)) i got chicken waldorf sandwich and kiwi fruit soda :)) thank you bobs, you made one negrense happy-- ME!