Guiltless Rants is a web journal of Jasel Uy who hails from Cebu City. She is a nurse, banker, sister, daughter and wife, storyteller, and wanna-be-writer. But of the many roles she plays, let's not forget that she is only just a girl. She makes mistakes and corrects them. She hastily decides on one thing and regrets it the next day. But she is learning cos she is a work in progress.
look at me i'm 23 beautiful a sight to see tonight ♪♫ i know i am more than a kid but there are still things i am afraid of. and i know that i am a legend in progress (ahemm) but for now, i can't help it-- i still freak out whenever i am faced with my fears, these evils i am still trying (and will forever try) to overcome.
1. cockroaches! (esp the flying kind)
-there is this one anecdote i will never forget back in hs.i lived in a dormitory and that place was not your typical-hygienic-comf'table living quarter.we are not to be blamed because we were teeners then and crushes and sports and physics were far more important than cleanliness (eww!) so i have this classmate (which luckily was not my room mate) who never failed to have food in reserve everywhere.she kept them in her locker, in her bags, and yes on her bed.one time, it was minutes before lights off when her scream echoed the whole dormitory because a cockroach had interested on her junks and guess what?..(i know this is horrible) that cockroach went inside her left ear!! yaykks! when she tried to let it out, that lil scary monster flew around their room for 2 mins then finally went out to continue to fly around the hallway where we were hanging out to study.i literally jumped off from my plastic chair and shouted more than anyone else.
2. crossing the street
-i have 2 near street accidents in grade school.luckily, my guardian angel stopped the car just in time to protect the not-so-careful me! despite that, i can still vividly remember the nervousness i felt in those 2 incidents.i know i had ice chills running down my spine and my heart was throbbing like it was about to explode literally.from the normal lubb-dubb, it went a crazy boom-boom-boom! and realizing that now, i guess the reason why i can't get over that fear is because i never tried telling andy or mama or any adult at that time because more than anything, i was afraid of being scold for carelessness :(
3. needles and the like! (and i took nursing at that)
-admitted because of hypokalemia, i embarrassed myself at the ER more than once because of being a cry-baby over needles and IV's.hypokalemia is when the potassium level in our bodies deplete and it is very important to replenish it asap or else, the heart, kidney and our muscles in general would cease to function.i was to have an IV whether i like it not or i like it not! *lol** it took 3 nurses and 3 screams before the IV was put in place. it maybe psychological in nature or i may just have really low pain threshold, needles will never be a good experience for me.
4. getting lost
-it is very important for me to have a personal guide and a map whenever i go and check out a new place.generally, it will take me 4 or 5 times to go back and forth from point A to B before i can go there alone.yes, i am a self-confessed no sense of direction.apparently, being in an unfamiliar territory still gives me a knot in my tummy.
5. death
-you know how people say you have to live your life each day as if it is your last? even if i try hard to do that, i'm still afraid to die. it's not an everyday thought but sometimes when i'm alone i think of death and it frightens me. there are a lot of things i still need to prove, tasks i need to accomplish, and dreams i need to fulfill. if we were given the chance to know when the inevitable would come and take us i know i will beg for another chance at life. i had my chance of pain and heartaches and mishaps but i rather experience it than not feel it at all.
i want to be bold and strong and fearless (i'm a legend in progress, remember?). and these 5 things are just few of my many other weaknesses. when my rational mind takes over, i realize how stupid these phobias are. but i know too that no matter how insane and weak these things make me look, these are the very things that make me human! i wonder how the world would turn out if no one is afraid of anything. it wouldn't be as thrilling and exciting as it is now perhaps. so yes, we are all superhumans in our own right and we may get embarrassed for the phobias we have but remember that life is better this way! superman ain't superman without his kryptonite! x
and just before i cap off the night, let me share 5 things i do before i sleep on a normal day like this.
1. i take a long shower.after a very long day, we all need to freshen up before hopping in to dreamland.it's hygienic and helps in removing all the bacteria, viruses and pollution you gather the whole day.and who knows? someone might just hug you in your dreams :) (yeah, dream on jas!) haaha
2. i take a peek on my review material :) the anxiety i feel is building up everyday as the dreaded board exam is nearing. to relieve the anxiety i try to assure myself that i'm doing my best while God will take care of the rest!
3. i drink my milk.lately i have been sickly because of the bad weather and the constant lack of sleep (yeah i have an undiagnosed sleep disorder). instead of popping the pill (sleep well) i opted to the better cure-- milk! for stronger bones too :)
sorry for the bad photo
4. i check facebook (i mean, who doesn't?) i do not consider myself as 'internet addict' but for some odd reason, my virtual life become important to me as much as my real life.part of the reason is, most of friends and family i don't get to spend a lot of time with so i kinda check on their lives every now and then thru facebook.
5. i listen to feel-good songs. here is one i would like to share. fast car by tracy chapman makes me 'kilig' for no apparent reason at all.this cover is by kina grannis and boyce avenue! get those earphones ready and dream on! good night loves! tomorrow is another day!
i'm literally sprung! i choose this as song of the day because i'm sprung to 2 things right now.
-bagels! (pretzels) i learned about this when i was at the peak of my gossip girl and how i met your mother days. i kinda want to have the hang of the series' characters so i searched for bagels (ikr). good thing Auntie Anne's opened here in cebu and since then, i'm sprung!
located in Ayala Active Zone and SM Northwing
-muammar gaddafi! yes, i'm serious. ever since the news of his death has caused a stir in the whole political world, i've followed most of the stories i can find about him. gaddafi is not really your ideal leader but persons like him amaze me in a way that they were able to control people for a very long time.gaddafi ruled libya for 42friggin years! i'm about to create a 500-word essay about him, watch out. im sprung!
the royal that he was
so there, those were the 2 things trending in my head for a week now (the bagels, a lil earlier than a week). i know i'm impulsive and it's a bad thing but what can i do? it's stuck! i can't just think about bagels and not hurry to go to ayala to get either cinnamon sugar or almond coated or just the original bagel.they just taste so good. and yes, gaddafi interests me in a stoic (weird right) way. i'm sprung!
friend check-- i realize i already have 1243 friends in facebook but reality check most of them are merely followers (or fan i should say haaha) because of this social sites, we tend to expand our networks (which is amazing btw) but i think real friendships should still be given importance more than anything! so here is a post of those real friends i'm missing so much.these friends know me inside out-- they were the ones who sympathized with me and offered me my favorite bottle of tanduay when i was at my lowest.they celebrated and laugh with me whenever im in a natural high (which is almost always the case).and they never judged me when my ways were rebellious and irrational.i was accepted and considered 'their friend'
maiden and kay :) these 2 were my closest buddies in my last year in college! i could not have survived the boredom in 4th year nursing school without them. the fondest memory i have of these 2 was going on a motorcycle ride (kay's motorcycle) to have batchoy whenever we feel like taculing is starting to piss us off. the photos below were taken at Kuppa, a coffeshop far from school where we usually hangout on friday afties :)
say hello to grace aka ching! she was my roomie at puer sanctus dos apartment.she is one of those girls who constantly reminded me that my ex-guy wasn't worth it!! hahaha yeah true, she saw me cry a lot of times just bec i was cray-cray and stupid. these photos were taken when we visited his dad's grave during all saint's day 3 years ago.
shao and aedan! i came to know shao because she was my 2nd team lead at cvg.she was a driver for excellence and i have always admired her being the leader that she was.i was a top performer when i was with her and we were the top team (beat that). she is now an om and it's something that i'm proud about her. and of course, dandan is my goddaughter! she is the love of our lives :) i hope she grows up to be one strong and smart woman like her mom!
meet sherah (: i met sherah thru shao.since both of them were close friends sherah often hangout in our apartment.sherah is my nightlife buddy.whenever we party together it always ends up happy and fun and crazy! but more than that-- we share the same thoughts on love, guys, and life! now that im here in cebu, we still have a scheduled telebabad every month to catch up on our thoughts.
gail and eleane are my highschool best friends! i would like to consider ourselves as the best batch because i know we were all performing excellently both in academics and extracurricular (chos!) in college, eane and gail went to the same school but i separated. but we still manage to catch up on each of our lives. they are my soundboards whenever i want to rant.
and lastly, meet ruthie mae aka temyang! our friendship goes way back when i was still primitive and odd-looking.she was one person who considered me a friend when everyone else looked at me as a kid! haaha ever since i have the tendency to hangout with adults rather than hangout with kids my age. and its funny that we dont have a photo together online because we never had the chance to.our photos together are posted in my album at home.now she is a new mom to bebe Gpe (whom im sooo exxx to see and cuddle) and im looking forward to their Pinas vacay next year.
I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! there is a lil pain i feel every time i realize that we are not together but that pain eases when i think that all of us are in the best places that we ought to be at this time. jas, heartoi laaabs you all :))
whenever i wake up to a beautiful monday morning like today, i always find myself astounded at how we are all given opportunity to be better at life.i know it will take a lot of practice and there's no perfection.what matters though is we all improve and get better every time.
inspired.happy.positive.
i hope you guys find your inspiration today to reach for your dreams not in a mediocre way.
this was more than a month ago (i know im such a bad blogger).my friend and kambal invited me to try sea-walking.being the outgoing person that i am, i just said yeah, sure without any idea what i said yes to.when the day finally came, i kept on asking my kambal what seawalk was all about.after she finished describing it, our friend, john, laugh at us and said-- that ain't called seawalk dude, that's helmet diving! for a sec i spaced out and said yeah, helmet diving, i kinda have an idea on that! (hahaha, that's what i get for going to an outing directly without sleep at all) here are some of the photos.i don't want to share a lot of em because i look totally bloated! i had an 'eat all you can brekky' with officemates before hitting the beach. hahaha
you get to have diving 101 lessons for safety purposes
the flippers we used :))
and that's me tryin to welcome everybody on board
so after the introduction 101, we can't wait to try it! yeyy
goin down now, that helmet weighs 30-40 kgs when it's not on water
told ya, i was bloated! hahaha
finding nemo :)) i found him i found him i found him! yeyy
now you know why my friend call it sea-walk! cos that's what is on their apparatus: seawalker!
happy girls :)
but the highlight on this beach trip wasn't really the helmet diving itself, it was the free jetski ride we got away with!!
it was a very tiring day but i was a happy tot! i got to do helmet diving and Jet Ski and swim of course! some of the best things in life really comes for free-- and i mean friendship and yeah, jet ski :))
so i choose the life of independence-- living alone and tryin my luck in this big big world.no one to ask permission from, no one to worry about (at least for now) and just trying to prove to myself that i, SUPERJAS, can make it on my own.pretty tough huh? the downside though is when you get sick and you realize that there is no one to take care of you other than yourself.
this is one of those times when i miss andy (dad).i can always remember when i was young and i get sick, andy was always (yes, and he never fails) there to take care of me.i'm a very demanding patient but he sees to it that all my demands (not just needs) are met.now that he is in africa, and i'm here in cebu-- i try to survive on my own.these helped me last night and these might help you too when you get sick yourself (hopefully not!)
keep yourself as comfortable as possible! i wore my favorite cotton shirt, socks, and pj's to keep me warm. pj's and socks have this distinct comfort and warmth which made me feel light and better.
eat.eat.eat.i know that food doesn't really taste anything when you're sick.your taste buds go nuts and food (even your fave) tastes nothing but bland.but trust me, your body's metabolic rate is faster when your sick so you better force yourself to eat up.no one cooked for me nor brought me food (cos i dint tell anyone) so i just consume whatever i had.thanks to dimsum break for the free delivery!
watch a funny movie (like american pie 1) and listen to a thousand songs! being sick is boring and very negative vibes so to attract happiness and positivity i played music the whole night after watching a movie. those cd's that you see are probably worth 10 thousand songs! thanks to jp who shared those with me.
lastly, have yourself a nice sound shut-eye! our body needs to conserve all the energy to defend us from further damage.that eye mask helped me get real zZzz'sss last night.
being sick is never a good experience and it never will be so guys, always take care of your bodies.load up on lots of vitamins C's + zinc especially that we are having wet days.but just in case, your defenses aren't good enough (just like mine) you can always copy the stuff i did :) trust me, it works! take care loves X
