thank you 2010

i only have 24 hours left of 2010 and if i were given the chance i would want to spend it with richard in bora.but things aren't workin for me and him the way i want it so here i am, not-so-alone(because im with msi, my laptop) in my sofa bed tryin to console myself.
anyway, a lot of things happened to me this year-- i went through the toughest and fortunately still came out
A L I V E. so as a year ender, here is the TOP 10 LIST of the things im thankful about.

im weari our white pre-cli
uniform

10. im thankful for the chance of bein able to wear my white uniform again.after 2 years of bein a certified out of school youth, i decided to be KOLEHIYALA again.this time, il finish it up :)

9. im thankful that im bein able to go to church regularly now.i know that i havent been really faithful in keepin the doctrine but God knows my desire to go to church and hear songs and just keep the sabbath.

8. im thankful that finally, i was able to move on with my hurts and pains.i learned to forgive and let go.such feeling was unexplainable.very lightweight to my soul.im talkin about rico.

kahit saan bitbit ko yan

7. im thankful for honey, my sister.she had been an avid supporter of me.she gives me favors which i dont deserve! sisters are angels.

6. im thankful for my laptop.i have soo many things to accomplish both in academics and extra curriculars but life is easier because of this 14 inch technology.

5. im thankful for Globe Broadband.luckily the room im renting now has an unbelievably cheap fee for internet-- would you believe i only pay 324.00 per month? and dude, its 24/7 :)

4.F R I E N D S-- i would have lost my sanity if not for them. the roughest and toughest wont be as BIG deal as it is if i dont have em :)





3. R I C H A R D-- JUST READ THE PREV POSTS IN THIS BLOG

2. im thankful for F A M I L Y-- special mention are: doc memai, anty da, lola, mom & darl. elaborating on the things they did for me would be endless.i heart you guys soo much.

1. L I F E. sanity and insanity.indifference and love.cruelty and kindness.tranquility and disturbance.war and peace.extreme joy and depressive sadness.all these and more will count nothin if we dont have life.thank you God for lettin me borrow up to now.

goodbye 2010, it has been a great year.i learned.
hello 2011, im sooo ready :))

hey ☼, where are you?

its the 29th of december, im stoked because its almost 2011.im at baybay in doc Memai's dental clinic because her assistant, cheche, called in sick today.then, yaya joy is also not-so-healthy since yesterday.


well nothin really much to do here except answer calls, "brightsmile, good mornin" and sit on the thinkin chair and  chat with friends on facebook and go along with whatever matt (my 6 yr old cousin) has to say and do.


its still rainin softly and quietly outside-- its been 5 days that i dint get to see the sun.i just solely count on coffee to keep me awake on a very tempting weather like this.


whats on my mind today? my top list new year's resolution..hmmm ♫♪♫

i already owe this blog a lot.after i get to have my laptop i promised to write as often as once a week so i can like hone my writing skills and i have a lot to look back when this year ends but seems like another promise is broken.sorry blog, i have been really preoccupied lately.

here i go..

this busy mode started when i woke up from all my easy-go-lucky-carefree-student-life and realize that a great responsibility has been laid out on me. yeah right, i remembered that i was to be the editor-in-chief for the Vox. the official paper of the school of nursing.so i gathered my staff and resolved to start the work done.

not long after the bustle of the vox, the senior class has to get organized and a not-so-fortunate thing happened.i was elected as the senior class president for real! so thats the busy mode all about.

class emblems, programs, letters, and announcements need to get posted and updated. so yeah, goodbye social life, hello busy me!

i know this aint easy so help me God!

the person we become

lately i've been very childish-- i don't know exactly where it is comin from but maybe, just maybe-- i was not getting the same amount of attention i was getting from my boyfriend that i used to.i dint get sms on my phone that often-- like there was an entire day that i dint see his name appear on my inbox, then because of my duty sched this week, i wasn't so enthusiastic in getting online in skype.so basically our schedules dint match.

at the back of my mind, i know it was normal for long distance relationships to really not catch up on some very busy days but my emotions (yet again) went over my rationale so i started to nag and poof bad vibes took over.

i intentionally waited for chard online so i can start the nagging and irksome confessions of how bad i felt just because there was no sms-- we're not on the same sched and all. (and dont start imagining yet)

on the other hand, my being pesky wasn't welcomed with patience, i know that richard has been working his ass off  for the past few days and dint get to have much sleep so this little episode of my drama turned out to be very feisty and crabby.

i was seeking for assurance that this was just a plain case of being busy and he was seeking to be understood.

an exchange of hate words weren't my forte so that night left me crying and desperate :( not enough sleep and yes wasted emotions from outbursts which was very preventable had i let my rationale control my emotions.the saddest that happened was, we have to both erase our facebook accounts :((

here's the good part.

i made the first move to apologize and yes richard apologized too.we're back to normal in less than 24hours.the facebook thang was a different case though but its not a big deal for now.

realization: when we let our emotions take over our rationale, we become a totally different person.and that tiny little monster inside of us becomes the monster that he is and makes damages that sometimes is hard to fix so today, i resolve to be more understanding because we don't wana lose the people we care so much about :)

if you are to ask people about how they perceive me? you would likely to get these descriptions: fun, easy-go-lucky, outgoing, confident, free-spirit, perky, and sunny. only very close people who knew me would tell you that aside from bein upbeat, i have low self esteem and im not that confident of who i am because of certain events that happened to me.

lately i have been elated because one person was making me feel that im capable of loving and being loved in return. but thing is, the guy i thought would be my happy-ever-after just BROKE MY HEART. yes you heard it right, im in pain right now. so much pain that i deactivated my facebook account and thinks of not goin to school for a week. its hard to accept that im not worth a guys love and not worth to keep it all together.

i have always promoted (((!good vibes!)))) to win over the negative energy but gawwd! what happened to me is more than i can handle.for the first time, i actually wish that i was a different person, livin in a different time because if i have to do my life all over again-- il be very careful and be very cautious of who im lettin into my life.

tanyt, i'd be sleeping with a broken heart.and as much as i want to keep the tears from fallin-- it just wont stop.i wana escape.i wana fllllyyyyyy awaaaaayyyy!

its a lazy friday today. started my day with pancakes and hash browns at mcdo then went home only to get stucked in the traffic because of the parade-- it hit me, today is NEGROS DAY! im a NEGRENSE by heart so i should be proud :)

i went online for a while and when my connection started to freak out-- i fell asleep until 4:30 in the afternoon.nothin would ruin a good afternoon sleep until you realize that the electricity is out :(( i feel freakin bad coz i wanna get online and my phone's battery is drained :((

good thing honey came up so i kida convince her to roam around the mall with her. after comin home, the same bad news welcomed me-- no electricity still.

i couldn't help but panic now so i decided to have dinner at bobs where wifi is available :)) i got chicken waldorf sandwich and kiwi fruit soda :)) thank you bobs, you made one negrense happy-- ME!

everything you need for a happpy life starts within yourself =)

i love you, and i love you until i die, and if there is life after that, i'll love you then..

trust me,i know how it feels.

i exactly know how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you.

i know what it is like to wait for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end.

i know exactly how it feels.

saudade

-is a Portuguese or a Galician word for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost.it often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return.it was once described as 'the love that remains" or the "love that stays" after someone is gone.

random

happy sunday everyone xx

today il move out from the dormitory because for the rest of my last year in college il be stayin with my sister, honey in her apartment room :)) im happy beyond words coz i can finally do whatever i want without bein paranoid of the time and all but i surprised myself of bein half sad as well.

here are few of the reasons:

1. there wouldnt be no more forceful wake-up call at 6am early in the morning-- the dormitory am worship is something i dint detest, honestly.it was more than a ritual tom.it was like an early morning date with my GOD.and i hope (crossin my fingers) i can still do that when im with honey.

2. the long line at the hospital cafeteria.yes i would miss that too."isa ka rice miss, chuckie dayon, dason itlog" aww laugh it out but i came to love the food- the vegan way :)

3. the convenient use of other's stuff.i admit it- i dont everything i need when i get back to college but life has been way way easier because of dorm mates who let me borrow stuff ineed (eg uniform, bp app, books and list continues)

4. the constant budgering about the use of the cr. we actually share the same cr with another room and and if its not always, from time to time there are always misunderstanding with the rights we share but then again, you learn to patch things up as soon as possible and things would be alright :)

5. my roomie.i only have 1 roomate, maiden and luckily we havent had any major problems in our co existence its been a fun 3 months stay with her.id surely miss her :(

a sad exchange of sms:

enrico: i'll bring ur cardigan later..
heartoi: wat tym po?
enrico: mga 7.30 cguro, aftr ur worship?
heartoi: k
enrico: unless im invited sa worship..
heartoi: aww i duno..i really dnt wna bother u na..that wud seem awkward..
enrico: bother me lang bala..ma rest lang ku d.
heartoi: things had changed after that very sad sunday night when you chose to ignore me dude..you dont wana know wat hapend..but dont worry i never responded to hermessages..and you may also wana tell her to stop messaging me coz its makin me sick dude.pls.
**NO REPLY*** (for 2 hours)
enrico: juz woke up..fell asleep earlier.txting a cab now so i can bring ur cardigan
enrico: goin der na..
heartoi: kk.
enrico: here na kmi.. (with tipsy)

**GOT THE CARDIGAN..WASNT READY FOR A CONVERSATION SO MADE UP AN EXCUSE THAT I NEED TO GET INSIDE. HE TOLD ME HE WISHED THEY COULD STAY LONGER.TIPSY WAS LICKIN MY FACE ALL OVER.AND BOY!! I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE.HEY, I'LL TEXT YOU, HE SAID.GOT ANOTHER HUG BEFORE FINALLY GETTIN INSIDE THA CAB**

enrico: we're back home na..sana we stayed longer pa..:(
heartoi: thank you for bringin my cardigan
enrico: i miss you..i really, really miss u..i miss spendin tym w/ u..i miss ur smile, i miss ur laughter, i miss ur everything :(
heartoi: i wish that 'miss' can make up for everything.just help me move on ric..my mantra now: its okey, its alryt..i think God can xplain..
enrico: u cant move on..coz i cant let u :(
heartoi: thats unfair!!
enrico: i'll fix it. it'll all b ok

**ITS ALMOST A YEAR SINCE THIS COMPLICATED THANG STARTED AND GOD I WISH THIS TO BE OVER.IM STRUGGLIN REAL HARD TO KEEP MYSELF TOGETHER** SAD, RYT?

2 nights ago, everything here in the dormitory was a total bore! my only roommate was not around, i dont have a fancy idea to think about and my phone was deafeningly silent.and the facebook page im staring wasnt that alluring as well.

so i decided to log out from the internet and browse the movie list in my laptop.randomly, i picked out 'the last song'

i was thinking that it was just another boy-girl crappy love story so i wasnt particularly attentive.

later on, i realized it was more of a father-daughter love story and the whole thing made me cry especially when miley finished the piano piece for her dad.

i end up sobbing in the middle of the night and i came to realize that dads, even how unexpressive they are truly love their lil girls.some of them may not have been good husbands but they will always be better fathers :) i love you pa!

today, i proved the law of attraction! (When you think of it as hard as you're almost believing..it does come true.)

i have always wanted to get out from the dormitory and live with my sister in her apartment.of course i followed the exact process and since both of my parents arent here in the philippines they have to make a phone call to the clinical coordinator.thats where my dilemma begins, in that part.

i have tried contacting both of my parents since last week to call but they seemed to be out of reach.so here's what i did, i asked my sister if she also wanted me transfer to her place as soon as possible and undoubtedly she said yes.i told her to think of mama and papa every single minute she can remember and im gonna do the same so that our energy will reach them and they will call.

sure enough, today when i arrived in my dorm room from class, my phone says 4 missed calls from mom and an sms msg as well. aint that cool?

so guys theres no harm in believing.if you want something real bad.think of it as a hard as you can.invite positive vibes and the whole universe will conspire to make it come true for you <3

from call girl to kolehiyala

after 2 years of bein an out-of-school-youth im promoted to bein kolehiyala again! isnt that exciting? probably, but im skeptic. nursing is skill-priority over theory-orientation.so i find myself lining up in the registrar, asking for some directions from students who are also tryin to complete their RCS.

after 2 days, i have my classcards well kept in my bag.
first day of class was a bore, orientation made me disoriented.long periods of sitting down and listenin to some nonsense isnt my idea of a back to school aura.
but i made it, the day was done without any hassles.

until now im still adjusting and frequently bein positive of the good this schooling will eventually give me.evaluation after 9 months..hmmm il probably make it, no, I WILL MAKE IT!

OH CAFFEINE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITHOUT YOU!

every single cell in our body is replaced every seven years. and by my calculations that means by october 2015 the person i will be will have never even touched you.
distance has widened and new things have grown in place. nothing is really forgotten but at this point it’s fluid. it’s taken me this long to encourage myself to stop wishing for a return or a sincere apology, to let you go and hold the hand that’s here.

“ Even if i think the flame has died, there’s at least one lyric that’ll hit that last hot spot, and then i find myself as fucked as i was the day i lied and said i never wanted to see him again. „

A letter from Christina Hendricks to Esquire readers:

We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.

We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.

We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.

Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.

Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.

Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.

Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.

About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.

There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.

Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.

yeahh ryyt

It gets to that stage in your life, when your head begins to loose contact with your heart. And I mean that in the corniest sense you can imagine. You become fixated on the idea of finding that one person that you can relate to, that one person that you could have wholly to yourself, that you settle for whatever comes your way regardless. Your head will try to tell you not to fall so hard for every person that compliments you, but your heart really couldn’t give a shit and does so anyway. After the novelty of it all wears off however, you come to realize that you were only forcing yourself to fall in love so that you could have love. But it wasn’t love after all. It was just single-serving lust, caught up in the moment of it all. You fall so hard, that your expectations are forced to sky-rocket. Of course the reality of it falls too short. You are left disappointed and uninterested, and the cycle begins again. The irony of it all however, is that those single moments of uncertainty are so fucking exhilarating you don’t care what happens next, because what you have in those moments of single-serving lust is better than anything you could have imagined love to feel like.

“Then you love me, totally.”
“Yes. Totally. Tenderly. Tragically.”

“ Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life? „

happily ever after..

“ I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone. „

happy sunday everyone! i still woke up with the same pain i felt in my tonsils. but the pain is lesser today though! i really dont have anythin to do now-- another lazy day you bet huh! i wanna go for a swim later this afternoon though! well we all have a blessed weekend! im excited for my cebu-bacolod-bora trip later this week! love-love-love!

I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know — unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.

„

I'm perfectly lonely, cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me. That's the way I want it...

“ What if prince charming never showed up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woke up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a health care package and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank? I couldn’t help but wonder… inside every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved? „

ive always been fascinated with john grisham, doc yn lends me her copies when i was still a kid (grade school) so until now-- im still a fan! the pelican brief is my most favorite piece because the main chaaracter, darby shaw is a lot like me! well in some other ways. she fell in love with an older man (and her professor at that) and she was just so passionate.im lookin forward to findin the movie version-- i need to watch it to compare it with the book :) may you also find happiness in reading grisham!

my love for disney movies

im sick today :( i got fever and rashes on my skin.i hope this is not something serious.got some meds from the doc earlier. he said i need to get plenty of zzZZz's and tons of vitamin c.i got so bored so i scan my dvd files and saw this film-- the lil mermaid! i watched this for the nth time already but it never fails to make me fall inlove all over again.."kiss the girl" wheew so romantic!!
..and of course "Up where they walk, up where they runUp where they stay all day in the sun Wanderin' free - wish I could be Part of that world"

of new things and better resolutions

hey everyone writing has always been part of me but i kinda feel lazy at times thats why i dont take blogging seriously. then came this period of no work and nothing to do at all so here i am, starting my new blog and i resolve to maintain this just to share with you random things that run through my head. happy reading! il be updating you always.